Do You Remember?

Important information sometimes just slips our memory at the most inappropriate moment, and unpleasant memories on the contrary do not want to go away into the past... "How could you forget?" - is one of the main female complaints to men. Before you even know what she is talking about and have a chance to open your mouth, as you hear: "You must not love me". Even if a woman is wise enough to not say it out loud, she often thinks that way and asks herself a question: "How can I make sure he remembers important dates?"

The Japanese who are experienced in the communication rituals decided to simplify the task and invented a special device - a ring-alarm. At the date programmed beforehand it will start sparkling and buzzing, reminding the husband about the day when he had the first date or first kiss with his wife. You can manage with a regular organizer or a reminder on your cell phone. But all of these devices due to the same forgetfulness that got you in trouble in the first place can be left at home or in the car and then in the evening a real storm is awaiting.

There are a lot of jokes and proverbs about female memory. We all think that female memory is no good. However, research provides us with not such definite results. As little children, girls actually remember numbers and solve math problems better than boys do, since their hippocampus, the major component of the brain responsible for memory, develops much faster. By 15-17 years of age boys catch up with girls and both genders have their memory functions reach the maximum level of development. After that a gradual decrease takes place, which is the most apparent in women by 25-29 years of age and in men by 30-35 years of age. Therefore the claims about female memory being bad have grounds when it comes to women but not young girls. And even then if we look at different types of memory, it turns out that women remember faces better than men, especially female faces (some psychologists think that this peculiarity has appeared so that women could remember and destroy their rivals), as well as verbal information. And the latest research modestly presumes that male memory overall is actually noticeably worse than female memory.

No scientific data consoles the woman, whose husband forgot to congratulate her on their wedding anniversary. And the problem is not the memory itself, rather it is the spouse's different attitude toward certain events, due to which they remember them differently. It is more important and convenient for a woman to lean on an exact date and constantly go back to it through remembering, making a note of and celebrating it. Such repetition and recurrence of processes is familiar to women since it goes hand in hand with the menstrual cycle, which constitutes the basis of female identity. For a man going in circle like that is not common, he orients himself in a linear way: the past has passed and the future is ahead. It is important for him that the event took place and when exactly is not important.

Besides, for women everything connected to the relationship constitutes the area of personal achievements, it signifies her status as opposed to male nature to pay more attention to career, income, and large purchases. That is why a woman remembers better the day she met him and a man - the model of the car he was driving. This difference creates ground for mutual irritation. When the partner does not remember what's important for the other person, he/she takes it as disrespect to them and lack of their values' understanding. It is doubtful for women that you have genuine feelings if you did not even manage to remember the name of her favorite cat or her birthday over many years of living together. In the majority of cases it is sufficient to take gender differences into consideration in order to solve the problem and not to demand something from your partner that he or she are incapable of doing.

There are certain things about mutual memories that will be kept better in the memory of a man or a woman. For example, men are good at remembering facts and numbers, and they do a good job of orienting in the area: there are a whole two genes that are responsible for that compared to zero in women. Women on the other hand have bigger brain lobes that are responsible for emotions. Therefore, for example, when we remember the road, men and women use different strategies and landmarks: men remember "the second turn right" and women remember "the café on the corner that sells yummy éclairs". Thus a man can not remember what you were wearing at the date, but if you ask him where the date took place and where you went afterwards he will definitely tell you. And remembering the aromas of the flowers that were blooming at the time is a woman's share of responsibilities to maintain the relationship.

Sometimes an unpleasant memory bothers a person, painful pictures literally rise before our eyes, endlessly reminding us about what happened - whether it was a serious loss or a small mistake. This way our memory wants to do us a favor so that if we have to face a similar situation again we could react faster and better. If on a date with a new guy you can not get rid of the memories of your ex-husband, your memory should only be praised: it wants you to be on the alert and not do the same mistake twice. Psychologists recommend "rewriting" the story of your life by purposefully extracting positive memories. For example, if you feel shy about public speaking, try to find as many situations from the past as possible where the speech was going well and you felt relaxed and alert.

Memory serves people as it can, even when it makes us forget something. When the circumstances are too unpleasant or difficult, the defensive mechanism of repression gets activated, which was discovered by Sigmund Freud. In the classic example from his memories he is talking about how after renting a place at the same spot for seven years in a row, Freud only remembered two restaurants nearby and did not notice the third one point blank. It turned out that the name of the third restaurant resembled the last name of his colleague, with whom Freud had tense relationship. Based on the long lasting self-research and work with patients he came to a conclusion that the repression can explain forgetting names, appointments, and promises. And even after 100 years we can confirm the truth of his statement that in all cases the basis for forgetting something lies in the motive of reluctance. It is easier to blame everything on forgetfulness rather than directly sort out the relationship.

However forgetfulness should not be always blamed on dislike. With age human memory gets worse as a rule, and it is related to a variety of reasons - first of all the worsening of the brain function. As a precaution we should lead a healthy lifestyle, be out on the fresh air more often, swim in a pool, try to absorb positive emotions from the surrounding world. We should make sure that we do not undergo constant stress and are not constantly overloaded - since it can lead to emotional burn out, which in turn manifests itself as a worsening of memory, the information we receive slips our memory instantly.

Besides taking care of your health and well-being in general, we should also give ourselves a healthy load. After 30 years of age complaints about forgetfulness are due to the fact that a person stopped training his or her memory and it got "out of shape". In high school and in college boys and girls receive new information and memorize it daily, and therefore the memory is constantly "toned". When work turns into routine and every day resembles the other one, the load on memory gets automatically reduced and therefore it needs to be trained. American scientists have found a pleasant way of improving your memory. It turns out that elderly people who drink three cups of tea or coffee and two glasses of wine every day have better memory than those who refuse themselves that. There are of course more sober ways. Do not rely on the organizer but instead remember phone numbers, foreign words, poems, and most importantly do it on a regular basis.


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